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Subject: 😌 The Guilt Trap (and How to Get Out)

Stuck in the Middle — Issue 221 — Thursday, October 9, 2025

👋 Welcome

New here? I’m glad you found us. This newsletter is for people caring for aging parents while raising kids, working, and trying to keep relationships healthy.
Want every issue? Reply SUBSCRIBE to this email.

🧠 Big Thought: De-programming Caregiver Guilt

Guilt shows up when your effort can’t match the impossible standard you’ve set (or others set for you). You feel bad stepping away, saying no, or choosing convenience (hello, frozen lasagna) over “the right way.”
Here’s the reframe: guilt is a signal, not a sentence. It tells you a boundary or a need is being ignored. The move is not to “push through,” but to translate guilt into action:

• “I feel bad asking for help” → I need respite.

• “I’m failing my kids/partner/parent” → I need one non-negotiable daily restore.

• “I should be able to handle this” → I need a smaller promise and a shared plan.

You’re not selfish for protecting your energy; you’re responsible.

🧰 Money Moves (5 Steps to Shrink Guilt & Overwhelm)

1. Name today’s constraint (30 seconds).
   Write one sentence: “I feel guilty about ______ because ______.” Then circle the need hiding in that sentence (rest, clarity, backup, money, time).

2. Trade perfection for floor goals.
   Pick one “floor” you can always hit even on bad days: 10-minute walk, a premade meal, or a 5-minute breathing break. Floors kill all-or-nothing guilt.

3. Book respite like a dentist appointment.
   Find local adult day, in-home help, or short-term relief:

   • Eldercare Locator (ACL): https://eldercare.acl.gov/home

   • ARCH Respite Locator: https://archrespite.org/caregiver-resources/respitelocator/
     If you’re spiraling, reach out 24/7: 988 Lifeline: https://988lifeline.org/

4. Script the “shared load” ask.
   “I’m at capacity this week. Could you take med refills and Saturday rides? I’ll text details.” Small, specific, time-bound.

5. Use a guilt-reset micro-practice (2 minutes).
   Try the Self-Compassion Break: https://self-compassion.org/exercises/exercise-2-self-compassion-break/
   (Say it out loud; your nervous system believes your voice.)

Bonus visual for a quick share/reminder:
NIA Caregiver Self-Care Infographic: https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/caregiving/take-care-yourself-caregiver

🛠️ Tool of the Week

Self-Compassion Break (Guided Prompt) — A short, research-backed exercise to shift from self-criticism to self-support in under two minutes.
How to use: pause → hand on heart → read the lines on the page.
Link: https://self-compassion.org/exercises/exercise-2-self-compassion-break/

📰 Reads (all free, no paywalls)

• Family Caregiver Alliance — The Emotional Side of Caregiving (on guilt, resentment, grief)
  https://www.caregiver.org/resource/emotional-side-caregiving/

• National Institute on Aging — Taking Care of Yourself: Tips for Caregivers
  https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/caregiving/taking-care-yourself-tips-caregivers

• Mental Health America — Caregiving and the Sandwich Generation
  https://mhanational.org/resources/caregiving-and-the-sandwich-generation/

🤝 SKOOL COMMUNITY (Free to join)

Swap tips, vent without judgment, and grab resources made for us:
https://www.skool.com/stuck-in-the-middle-community-1730/about?ref=4956bcfb588b4962b89c23002360ff83

💬 Connect With People Who Get It

Caregiving can feel isolating — and so can relationship stress.
Join our private Facebook group to talk to others who truly understand.

👉 https://www.facebook.com/groups/stuckinthemiddlenews

💸 TOOLS YOU CAN USE

Feeling stretched? Grab the $9.99 “What Can I Let Go Of?” Checklist — a fast way to eliminate busywork and lower guilt without dropping the ball.
https://briansacks.samcart.com/products/sandwich

💬 Reply & Engage

What one thing triggers your guilt most — and which step above are you willing to try this week? Hit reply and tell me. I read every note.

↗️ Share the Relief

Know a friend who is caring for a parent while juggling kids and work? Forward this issue to them. A single tip can change a week.

P.S.

If you’re in a tough moment right now, you are not alone. You can call, text, or chat the 988 Lifeline any time: https://988lifeline.org/

THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT BOOKS YOU CAN READ IF YOU ARE FRUSTRATED WITH A PARENT OR OLDER RELATIVE

grab a copy here https://amzn.to/3QIhlx7

If you are in this situation I think you will enjoy it!