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Subject: 💞 Keep Your Relationship Solid (Even When Caregiving Feels Heavy)

Stuck in the Middle — Issue 222 — Monday, October 13, 2025

👋 Welcome

New here? You’re among people juggling aging parents, kids, work, and a relationship. We keep it practical and kind.
Want every issue? Reply SUBSCRIBE to this email.

🧠 Big Thought: The Guilt–Resentment Trade

Caregiver guilt whispers “do more.” But if you always say yes to everything, resentment sneaks in—and resentment quietly erodes closeness. The antidote isn’t grand gestures; it’s micro-honesty + micro-structure:

• Say what’s true without blame: “I’m stretched thin and getting irritable.”

• Protect a tiny ritual: a 15–20 minute weekly check-in beats a quarterly meltdown.

• Trade “keeping score” for “keeping systems.” When the load is visible and assigned, love has room to breathe.

You don’t need a perfect week to have a good relationship. You need a repeatable week.

🧰 Money Moves (Relationship Edition: 5 Steps, 30–45 Minutes Total)

1. Schedule a weekly ‘State of Us’ (20 minutes).
   Use this science-backed flow: appreciations → stressors → one problem to solve → one fun plan.
   Guide: https://www.gottman.com/blog/how-to-have-a-state-of-the-union-meeting/

2. Divide the invisible work in writing (10 minutes).
   Pick 3 recurring chores (meds, rides, bills). One owner per task—start to finish.
   Free resources: https://www.fairplaylife.com/

3. Create a caregiver backup (5 minutes).
   Bookmark respite options so either partner can tap help fast.
   Locator: https://archrespite.org/caregiver-resources/respitelocator/

4. Install a 2-minute repair habit.
   When voices rise: pause, drink water, try “I feel ___ about ___, and I need ___.”
   (Gottman framework explained here): https://www.gottman.com/blog/understanding-first-part-state-union-meeting/

5. Name one non-negotiable connection.
   Example: 10-minute walk after dinner or a Saturday coffee. Protect it like a medical appointment.

If you’re in crisis right now, you’re not alone: https://988lifeline.org/

🛠️ Tool of the Week

Gottman Card Decks (Free App) — Prompts for connection, conflict repair, stress-reducing conversations, and more. Open, pick a deck, and ask each other 3 cards.
Details: https://www.gottman.com/couples/apps/
(Also available on app stores: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.carddecks and https://apps.apple.com/us/app/gottman-card-decks/id1292398843)

📰 Reads (all free, no paywalls)

• The Four Horsemen (and what to do instead) — Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling. Clear examples + fixes.
  https://www.gottman.com/blog/the-four-horsemen-recognizing-criticism-contempt-defensiveness-and-stonewalling/

• Caregiving Hub (NIA) — Practical tips to safeguard your health and teamwork while caring for family.
  https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/caregiving

• When caregiving impacts your mental health at work — How to talk to your employer and set realistic boundaries.
  https://mhanational.org/resources/when-caregiving-impacts-your-mental-health-5-tips-for-talking-to-your-employer/

🤝 SKOOL COMMUNITY (Free to join)

Daily support, templates, and real talk from people who get it:
https://www.skool.com/stuck-in-the-middle-community-1730/about?ref=4956bcfb588b4962b89c23002360ff83

💬 Connect With People Who Get It

Caregiving can feel isolating — and so can relationship stress.
Join our private Facebook group to talk to others who truly understand.

👉 https://www.facebook.com/groups/stuckinthemiddlenews

💸 TOOLS YOU CAN USE

Feeling stretched? Grab the $9.99 “What Can I Let Go Of?” Checklist — a fast way to cut non-essential tasks and lower guilt without dropping the ball.
https://briansacks.samcart.com/products/sandwich

💬 Reply & Engage

What’s the smallest change you could make this week that would most help your relationship—a 20-minute ‘State of Us,’ a clearer task handoff, or a protected mini-date? Hit reply and tell me which you’ll try.

↗️ Share the Relief

Know another “stuck in the middle” friend? Forward this. One steady ritual can save a tired relationship.

P.S.

If you try the weekly meeting, start with appreciations first. It softens everything else. Need a script? The step-by-step is here: https://www.gottman.com/blog/how-to-have-a-state-of-the-union-meeting/

THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT BOOKS YOU CAN READ IF YOU ARE FRUSTRATED WITH A PARENT OR OLDER RELATIVE

grab a copy here https://amzn.to/3QIhlx7

If you are in this situation I think you will enjoy it!