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🧠💔 “Guilt-Proofing” Your Caregiving — Without Burning Out

Stuck in the Middle — Issue 216 — Monday, September 22, 2025

👋 Welcome

If you’re juggling aging parents, kids, work, and a relationship—you’re in the right place. This issue digs into something nearly everyone in our community feels but rarely admits: guilt. If this was forwarded to you, reply SUBSCRIBE and I’ll add you.

🧠 Big Thought: Guilt ≠ Guidance

Guilt screams “you’re failing,” but it’s a blunt alarm—useful for a wake-up, terrible as a GPS. Caregiving guilt usually means one of three things is off: capacity, clarity, or community.

• Capacity: You’re doing more than one person can reasonably do. The fix isn’t “try harder”; it’s re-scope and delegate.

• Clarity: You’re carrying invisible rules (“A good daughter never hires help”). Surface them and renegotiate.

• Community: You’re isolated. Guilt thrives in silence; it shrinks when witnessed by people who get it.

When you treat guilt as a signal (not a sentence), you can replace shame loops with small, practical moves that protect your energy—and your relationships.

🧰 Money Moves (5-Step, 20-Minute Reset)

1. Name the rule you’re breaking (2 min)
   Write: “I feel guilty because ______.” Then ask: “Says who?” Many rules are inherited, not chosen.

2. Right-size the week (5 min)
   List every caregiving task. Circle only what must be done by you this week. Everything else gets deferred, delegated, or downgraded.

3. Boundary script you can send (3 min)
   “I can help with medication and bills this week. I can’t manage rides. Can you take transportation, or can we hire X for that piece?”

4. Bring in one outside resource (5–7 min)
   Choose one: a VA/NIH handout, a local support group, or a respite option. Print or save it and schedule a 10-minute review with your family.

   • NIA Caregiver Self-Care Tips (free)
     https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/caregiving/taking-care-yourself-tips-caregivers

   • VA Caregiver Guilt Handout (free PDF)
     https://www.caregiver.va.gov/pdfs/SupportLineHandOuts/Sept-2019-updates/Free-Yourself-Dont-Get-Tripped-Up-with-Caregiver-Guilt-Handout.pdf

5. Micro-respite that fits real life (5 min)
   Pick a 10-minute window daily this week for a walk, stretch, or tea—protected time you don’t negotiate away.

🛠️ Tool of the Week: “Self-Compassion Break” (2–5 minutes)

Evidence-based, fast, and doable anywhere. Three prompts: Mindfulness (“This is hard”), Common Humanity (“Others feel this too”), Kindness (what you’d say to a friend).

• How-to and science summary (free):
  https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/self_compassion_break

• Printable version (free):
  https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/practice_as_pdf/self_compassion_break?printPractice=Y

(Backing research and practice details provided by UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center.) Greater Good in Action+1

📰 Reads (all free, no paywalls)

1. NIA: Taking Care of Yourself — Tips for Caregivers
   Normalizes tough feelings (including guilt) and gives simple, vetted steps.
   https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/caregiving/taking-care-yourself-tips-caregivers National Institute on Aging

2. VA Caregiver Support Line: Handouts & Self-Care Topics
   A library of practical one-pagers (including “Don’t Get Tripped Up with Caregiver Guilt”).
   https://www.caregiver.va.gov/support-line/handouts.asp Caregiver VA

3. AARP: How Caregivers Can Take a Guilt-Free Vacation
   Planning tips so time off helps you—and your loved one.
   https://www.aarp.org/caregiving/life-balance/travel-without-care-recipient/ AARP

🤝 SKOOL COMMUNITY (come get your people)

Daily support, Q&A, and live sessions with others in the same trench.
https://www.skool.com/stuck-in-the-middle-community-1730/about?ref=4956bcfb588b4962b89c23002360ff83

💬 Connect With People Who Get It

Caregiving can feel isolating — and so can relationship stress.
Join our private Facebook group to talk to others who truly understand.

👉 https://www.facebook.com/groups/stuckinthemiddlenews

💸 TOOLS YOU CAN USE — $9.99 “What Can I Let Go Of?” Checklist

A fast, practical worksheet bundle to free up time, reduce decision fatigue, and stop the guilt spiral.
https://briansacks.samcart.com/products/sandwich

💬 Reply & Engage Prompt

What’s one invisible rule that’s been driving your guilt (“A good parent never…”, “A good son always…”)? Hit reply and share it. I’ll round up the best rewrites next issue.

↗️ Share the Relief

Know a fellow “stuck in the middle” friend who needs less guilt and more bandwidth? Forward this issue.

P.S. Bonus

Want a deeper dive on boundaries and scripts? If you reply BOUNDARIES, I’ll send you a one-page script pack you can copy/paste with family, siblings, and providers.

If you are in this situation I think you will enjoy it!