📰 Stuck in the Middle –

Date Monday Jan 5th 2016

💔 Stuck in the Middle… GET UNSTUCK, PART 2

You Are Not the Owner of Their Life. You Are the Partner for Their Quality of Life.

By Mariam Parineh, Founder of VivaValet a Lifestyle Concierge built for Seniors and Caregivers

The most painful part of the Sandwich Generation is the unspoken belief that everything depends on you. You pick up the operations role because you love them, because you fear future regret, and because you believe stepping back is the same as abandoning them.

It is not. It is simply unsustainable.

The Core Shift

In Confidence Aging, older adults operate across nine confidence domains that determine how independent and grounded they feel. When emotional, psychological, spatial, or identity confidence weakens, they pull harder on you. That tension does not mean you should take over. It means the wrong support is in place. Too often, when this happens we jump in and take over (it's natural but diminishes confidence and independence more rapidly), but instead if we step back and try and help strengthen that confidence back, they will improve their independence.

Your goal is not to run their life. Your goal is to support the life they want.

Why This Feels Hard

• You see the risks more clearly than they do.
• You want efficiency. They want dignity.
• You value more time. They value better time.
• You believe you know the better decision. They choose based on lived experience that you did not have.

This friction is normal. It eases when you stop trying to steer and start partnering on the outcomes they care about.

Three Conversations To Get You Unstuck

These are simple but powerful resets you can use this week.

Conversation 1: “What feels most important for you to keep control of right now.”
This protects identity confidence and shows respect.

Conversation 2: “What parts of life feel heavy or frustrating. If we could make those smoother, what would you want back in your day.”
This reveals where support can increase behavioral and emotional confidence.

Conversation 3: “I want to be your partner, not the person taking over. Tell me the outcome you want and let me help build the structure around it.”
This shifts you from owner to collaborator.
This is the MAGIC question! And I encourage you all to start here! 

Framing Tools You Can Use Immediately

When there is a mishap. A fall, a forgotten bill or appointment and they come to you in crisis.
Instead of: “You cannot manage this anymore.”
Try: “You should not have to waste energy on this. I’m sorry this happened, it happens to me to. Do you want us to get this off your plate?”

If a pretty big decision comes up: Surgery, treatment, driver’s license.
Instead of: “We need to decide what is right  for you.”
Try: “Let’s decide the goal you want and build support to match it.”

You walk into their home and it is cluttered, ratty carpet, slippery floor mat, or there is a recent fall that scared you.
Instead of: “This is unsafe.”
Try: “Do you still feel safe here?  Should be take a look at this and see if we can make it work for a few more years so you continue to feel steady and confident.”

Why This Matters Now

Many parents may live another ten, twenty, or more years. You cannot carry the operations job for decades without emotional cost. It will get harder NOT easier. It will become more NOT less. But you can be their anchor, partner, and advocate with the right support around them.

When you place yourself back in the role of partner, and let a structured system like VivaValet carry the logistics, both of you regain confidence.
You reconnect. They feel respected. Life becomes more sustainable for everyone. We are here to support you and not just them. 

On average caregivers save 15 hours a month in planning and coordination for their senior loved ones!

Book your Discovery Call with a VivaValet Advisor (847) 474-9833 or visit us at vivavalet.com

Special Offer for Stuck in the Middle Subscribers: $99/month Legacy Membership for VivaValet Concierge, only 50 made available. Mention Stuck in the Middle Podcast for Legacy offer.