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📰 Stuck in the Middle – Issue #175

DateThursday, May 8, 2025

💔🚗 SUBJECT: When It’s Time to Take Away Mom or Dad’s Car Keys (Without Blowing Up the Relationship)

Stuck in the Middle News — Issue #234 — November 24, 2025

For people caring for parents and kids, working hard, and trying to keep their relationship from falling apart.

👋 Welcome, New (and Tired) Friends

If you’re juggling aging parents, kids, work, and a relationship… you’re in the right place.

Every week we talk about real-life problems for people who are “stuck in the middle” — and how to survive them with a little more money, energy, and sanity.

If someone forwarded this to you and you’d like your own copy, just reply to this email with the word: SUBSCRIBE and you’ll be added.

🧠 Big Thought: Taking the Keys Is Really About Safety, Not Control

Few conversations are as gut-wrenching as, “Mom/Dad, I don’t think you should be driving anymore.”

You’re not just talking about a car. You’re talking about:

• Their independence

• Their identity as a competent adult

• Their social life and ability to “get out of the house”

At the same time, the stakes are high. Aging changes reaction time, vision, and judgment. That’s why health experts emphasize watching for warning signs and making a plan before there’s a crash. National Institute on Aging+1

Here’s the reframe that helps many “stuck in the middle” readers:

When you treat it as a transition instead of a punishment, it becomes easier to:

• Start the conversation earlier (before accidents)

• Use outside experts (doctor, OT, driving evaluator) instead of you being “the bad guy”

• Put real transportation options in place so they don’t just feel trapped at home

You will probably still get anger, denial, maybe some guilt-tripping. That’s normal.
Your job is to stay calm, stay loving, and stay firm about safety.

🧰 Money Moves: The “Take Away the Keys Without Burning Bridges” Checklist

Use this as a step-by-step game plan over a few weeks, not one giant confrontation.

1. Quietly gather facts

• Ride along with your parent and observe: drifting out of lanes, missed stop signs, confusion at turns, getting lost, new dents on the car, driving way too slow or too fast. NHTSA

• Write down specific examples with dates.

• Check meds: some cause drowsiness, dizziness, or slowed reaction time.

Free resource:

• Safe Driving for Older Adults – National Institute on Aging
  https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/safety/safe-driving-older-adults

2. Get allies before you talk

You do not have to do this alone.

• Ask siblings or trusted relatives to agree on the safety goal, even if you lead the conversation.

• Bring in the primary care doctor — many will document concerns or write a “no driving” note if needed.

• If dementia is part of the picture, download “At the Crossroads: Family Conversations about Alzheimer’s Disease, Dementia & Driving” (The Hartford/MIT guide) to understand what’s coming. Michigan.gov

3. Plan the actual conversation

Pick a calm time, not right after a scary drive.

You can say something like:

Keep the focus on love and safety, not age or blame.

4. Put concrete alternatives on the table

Older adults are more willing to give up the keys when they see how they’ll still get around.

Make a short “transportation menu” for your parent:

• Family rides: who can take which regular trips (groceries, faith services, haircuts)

• Community senior transportation (often low- or no-cost)

• Rideshare help: set up Uber/Lyft on their phone and practice together

• Volunteer driver programs via local senior services or faith communities

Free resources to find options near you:

1. Eldercare Locator – connects you to your local Area Agency on Aging, which often coordinates senior transport:
   https://eldercare.acl.gov Elder Care

2. National Council on Aging – Transportation Resources – how to find ride programs and paratransit options:
   https://www.ncoa.org/article/how-to-find-transportation-resources-near-you National Council on Aging

3. USAging – Transportation & Mobility overview – explains why so many seniors stop driving and lists national support resources for rides:
   https://www.usaging.org/transportation US Aging

5. Use a “step-down” plan when possible

Instead of “You’re done forever,” try:

• No driving at night or in bad weather

• No highways or long-distance trips

• Only familiar routes within a few miles

• Re-test in a few months with the doctor or an OT driving evaluator

This can soften the transition while you build up alternative transportation and your parent adjusts emotionally.

6. If it becomes clearly unsafe, be prepared to act

Sometimes, despite all your efforts, your parent refuses to stop. At that point, safety has to win. Options can include:

• Asking the doctor to formally report to the DMV (varies by state)

• Scheduling a formal driving evaluation

• Controlling access to the car (keys, registration, or the vehicle itself)

You won’t feel great about it. But you will sleep better knowing you protected them and other people on the road.

🛠️ Tool of the Week: “We Need to Talk” – AARP’s Free Online Seminar

If you’re dreading the conversation, let a structured program walk you through it.

Tool:
“We Need to Talk: Family Conversations with Older Drivers” – AARP Driver Safety
https://www.aarp.org/auto/driver-safety/we-need-to-talk/ AARP

What it helps you do:

• Decide if it’s actually time to limit or stop driving

• Learn conversation scripts that reduce defensiveness

• Get ideas for transportation alternatives to present to your parent

It’s free, online, and you can go through it at your own pace — even share it with siblings so you’re all on the same page before you approach Mom or Dad.

📰 Reads: Free, Helpful Deep Dives on Older Driver Safety

All of these are free and not behind a paywall.

1. “Safe Driving for Older Adults” – National Institute on Aging
   Clear signs to watch for, tips for safer driving, and when to consider stopping.
   https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/safety/safe-driving-older-adults National Institute on Aging

2. “How to Understand and Influence Older Drivers” – NHTSA
   Focuses on how to talk to an older driver about safety, not just “taking away the keys.”
   https://www.nhtsa.gov/older-drivers/how-understand-and-influence-older-drivers NHTSA

3. “How to Confront an Aging Parent about Their Driving” – Crucial Learning
   Uses “Crucial Conversations” skills to keep the discussion respectful and effective.
   https://cruciallearning.com/blog/how-to-confront-an-aging-parent-about-their-driving/ Crucial Learning

🤝 SKOOL COMMUNITY: Come Where People Get Your Life

If you’re stuck between kids, aging parents, a job, and a relationship… you shouldn’t have to figure it all out alone.

Our SKOOL community is where we dig deeper into topics like:

• Caregiving scripts that actually work

• Money strategies for the sandwich generation

• Emotional burnout and how to pull back from the edge

Join us here (free to look around and see if it’s a fit):

https://www.skool.com/stuck-in-the-middle-community-1730/about?ref=4956bcfb588b4962b89c23002360ff83

💬 Connect With People Who Get It

Caregiving can feel isolating — and so can relationship stress.
Join our private Facebook group to talk to others who truly understand.

👉 https://www.facebook.com/groups/stuckinthemiddlenews

💸 TOOLS YOU CAN USE – The $9.99 “What Can I Let Go Of?” Checklist

If you’re overwhelmed, it’s usually not because you’re “bad at time management.”
It’s because you’re doing the work of three people.

The “What Can I Let Go Of?” Checklist walks you through:

• What to delegate

• What to delay

• What to delete

• How to say “no” without feeling like a terrible person

It’s designed specifically for people in the sandwich generation.

Grab it here (one-time $9.99):

https://briansacks.samcart.com/products/sandwich

💬 Reply & Engage: Tell Me Your Car Keys Story

Hit reply and tell me (you can keep it anonymous):

• Are you worried about a parent’s driving right now?

• What’s the hardest part: starting the conversation, getting siblings to agree, or dealing with your parent’s reaction?

Your replies help shape future issues (and I read them personally).

↗️ Share the Relief

If you know someone else who is:

• Arguing with siblings about Mom’s driving

• Terrified every time Dad gets behind the wheel

• Stuck in the middle of kids, parents, and bills

Forward this issue to them.
You might save them from a crash and from feeling so alone.

P.S. Coming Up…

In a future issue, we’ll cover:

• How to protect your own license, insurance, and finances when your parent keeps driving against medical advice

• A simple worksheet to divide caregiving and driving duties among siblings without World War III

Stay tuned — and if there’s a specific angle you want covered, hit reply and tell me.